im going home

While I was in Italy my dad emailed me and told me about how he and my brother watched a dvd of Michael Bublé live in concert at Madison Square Garden and how he wanted me to see it, as I've been a fan of the singer since I was 16. I finally ended up borrowing the DVD the other night and have been watching snippets of it over the last couple of days...although I've always loved his versions of those beautiful standards he's famous for singing, I never realized that he could be so good in concert. His charisma and thirst for progress and and perfection lights up the whole arena like a chandelier on the Titanic. I loved every song I saw but when he did the song "Home", I nearly broke down in tears. Every word described how I felt this summer....here are the lyrics:

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home


What is it about certain music that makes our hearts ache and our minds long for love? I stopped longing for love a while ago...I lost my idealism and faith in the idea that someone as young as I could truly fall in love. I thought love was for getting married and having babies, otherwise it only seemed to serve breaking hearts and tearing lives apart, because it never lasts, right? 
Lately my feelings on the subject have been changing. I'm not sure whether its because I'm done mourning losing the love I once had or because age and maturity, and little things like a beautiful song by Michael Bublé are showing me that love is beautiful no matter where or when it is. I hope the next time love enters my life it is true and healthy, not the confused needy love I ended up experiencing before. I feel like I might be open to the possibility of wanting to come home to someone who's truly in love with me again sometime soon. We'll see what happens.


Once again, I digress. This seems to be the theme of much of my writing. Yes, the song made me wonder about love, but it also felt like it spoke volumes about the travels I've had in the last year or so, but mostly this summer. Simple lines about what I'd been doing, or the "hey baby, how are you"'s didn't feel like enough. Paris and Rome will always be Paris and Rome, and I truly adore Italy, but I really did feel like I was watching my life from the outside. "And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life", like I didn't quite feel that I was truly living it, because it would end soon. The moment that plane started hovering above LAX I felt like I was stepping back into the room where my life took place, back to the people and the familiar places that are literally part of every inch of my soul. I missed my parents, my brother, that guy, my friends, even the 405 freeway. I missed how the ocean fills in the gap in land between the Palos Verdes peninsula and Point Dume and I missed how southern California catches on fire every fall. 

Here's to home, love, life and the beauty that is found in every little crevice of humanity.