just like heaven

This post actually has nothing to do with the song at all. I was just listening to it on the way home and it made me feel really happy/creative and I felt like writing. We all need a little heaven in our lives sometimes....not to sound like a "I can't believe it's not butter!" commercial or anything.

For some reason I keep feeling this pull out into the world. There's no part of humanity I don't want to understand, and maybe through understanding I can heal. I'm not the type to live my life with lofty ambitions and goals and make others feel kinda crappy for not doing the same. You know those kinds of people, the ones who are always supporting some cause or another and could talk your ear off about it for much longer than you can even try and listen, even if you wanted to. The kind of person, who however well meaning can get a little tiring to be around because really, you need to go to work to pay the bills and put food on the table and hopefully enjoy life a little and all that crap. I'm not that person, I'm human. This doesn't mean I don't believe in all the same things, because I do, sometimes more than other times. Last week I stayed home and watched reality TV because my bank account was too low to be outside. I feel like being home all the time stifles my drive, my ambition to be a better person. You can always be a better person, even if you don't stand on street corners and solicit donations to UNICEF every day.
I can't stay at home too long before I feel like I'm going totally nuts and the streets literally pull me out on to them before I can even help it. Today was one of those days. I was at home for half an hour, and then I was literally among people all day.
The ins and outs of my day isn't my point either though. Every once in a while I get a flurry of ambition and inspiration, and today it came in the form of Invictus. I feel like it totally aligned with the involuntary desire I have to be among people and learning and moving forward. I'm not the next nelson mandela, although right now I feel like I want to be...but maybe I could be the next captain of a rugby team that believed in something bigger than just himself and his team. The ripple effect, you know? Our problems aren't just in South Africa or India or Northern Ireland....they're right here at home. Lead by example...maybe by being a strong person and dealing with everything that comes my way I can influence the life of one other person, may it be a friend or a stranger. In the end it doesn't cost you anything to be a good person. It might seem tough at the time to do the right thing, whether its giving $5 to the homeless man across the street or smiling at a stranger, even if inside you're hurting but all energy in this universe is finite, and no matter what, the good you put out will come back to you. Not that we should strive to be better for selfish reasons, but its good motivation nonetheless.
Nelson Mandela was genius for supporting the springbox (sp?) rugby team. He's right, we are never going to move forward and progress if we turn around and take away the rights of those who took away ours. Karma always rights things- although the afrikaans were defeated by Mandela's party at first (punishment), his success ended up making the world a better place and uniting a country that had been divided for so long, thanks to NOT getting rid of the rugby team supported by white people that had imprisoned blacks for many years and hated by every black person in South Africa. For example, just because your friend stole your boyfriend doesn't mean you have to turn around and steal hers. She'll turn right back and steal your next one again, and fighting never ceases.

If I can help just a small classroom full of people understand this maybe we can get somewhere.

sleeping pill induced ramblings

Its amazing how we can forget to think before we speak or act. The other day I was having very firm thoughts about how I think its selfish for people to live in LA and not drive. Anybody who wants to see them is forced to go out of their way to pick them up, come to their neck of the woods, accomodate them, simply because they "choose" not to drive. And if its not a choice, then its probably because of something stupid they did, like getting too many DUI's. I dated a guy like that once, it was annoying. Then I thought of this one person I know who doesn't drive because she just doesn't have a car and how she never makes people go out of their way or forces them to do anything just because SHE doesn't have a car. When she really needs a ride she's always accomodating and helpful. Now I feel silly for making such a general statement.

I love the smell of candles. Its a wonder that I don't own more, considering I love them so much. I once left a candle burning all night and it burned 2/3 of the candle, I was so disappointed. It smelled like gardenas, but now I dont burn that candle because it smells amazing and I don't want it to run out. I bought a candle last week that was supposed to smell like vanilla, but when I burn it I cant smell anything, its really upsetting.

You know that song golddigger by kanye west and jamie foxx? I feel like its really unbalanced. Kanye has an uber cool part, he does the rapping and the lyrics and stuff, and jamie foxx is in the background going "she takes my money, when i'm in need, yeah shes a golddigger" the ENTIRE song. Its almost annoying to listen to...I mean, if I were jamie foxx i'd be bored and irritated out of my mind with that part. Maybe because I'm just used to playing the melodic, front part of everything. But seriously, thats not annoying?

How do friends enter and exit our lives like they do? A year ago we had just began an amazing friendship, and today she's nothing but a conversation topic that we complain about. How do two people have such a quick, deep relationship and then both just drop it without any further questions? It makes me wonder what was really going on all along. Was she always fake? If not, then when and why did the flip happen? This is why I hate being friends with girls. Little things make them so sensitive...men, however, are simple. Feed them, pet them a little and be un-complicated yourself and you usually don't run into problems. Except when they dont think with their heads, but you can find a way around that obstacle too. Women are wired differently, we're literally thinking about 7 different things at once, and we're able to give each thing full attention and analysis without compromising the other. Men look into the fridge, dont immediately see what they're looking for and assume that it isnt there, even when it really is, its just hiding behind the milk.

I like reggae music. I have a VERY limited collection outide of bob marley, but every time I hear it I just want to be on a tropical island with a native man playing some bongos and drinking a pina colada. I mean, i dont want to be "with" the native man, I just want to hear the bongos playing. I'm happy with my boyfriend. I think we'd have a good time on a tropical island, it suits our mutual desires for relaxation and massages. Massages are like the best things on earth. Yes, I just said "like". Anyway, reggae music makes me happy even when skies are grey and im stuck in the car very far away from a tropical island. Especially bob marley.

I've always thought Hugh Grant was sexy, especially when I was like 14. He was british and attractive and always made me laugh. Seeing him on letterman tonight was a wake up call- I still find him sexy, but he's no longer superhuman, he seems like an uptight brit who spent too many winters in scotland just like my mother spent summers in ireland and just like the type of guy i'd be attracted to in a swanky london pub. Someone take me back to england, please.

Speaking of england, my mom is from england but lived in japan for a while when she was my age/younger. I could never live in asia. too many asians driving and fish verywhere. It would be like the outside of a sushi restaurant overload...i'm travel friendly but I have a strange phobia of going to an asian country, just like I have a strange phobia of spiders, loud noises and ugly looking seafood like shrimp, crab and lobster.